ADHD and Imposter Syndrome: How you can Stop Feeling like a Fraud
My ADHD diagnosis came when I was 37. After spending the entirety of my life never quite achieving the things I’d wanted to, I was finally in a place where I could accomplish those important things...and I did. So many people praised me, complimented my efforts and told me they were proud of me. It should have made me feel good, but inside I felt like a complete fraud. On the outside, people saw a hardworking, successful woman. On the inside, I was still the underachieving person I had been for 37 years. Who was I to think I was a success? I felt as though I had just stumbled into my success, even though I had put my whole self into achieving it. I just knew that at any moment, everyone would see the giant “Fraud” sign hanging around my neck.
Imposter Syndrome is so common among ADHD people. We spend our lives living with the challenges of ADHD, while still having to perform and produce results at school, work and in our personal lives.
People in the world see the hardworking person in front of them, but don’t get to see the late nights and personal sacrifices it takes to produce these results. We hide this part of ourselves from the world. When we hide parts of ourselves, it produces feelings of shame and guilt within us. This guilt and shame causes us to believe that we didn’t really earn our successes. This is Imposter Syndrome.
Signs of Imposter Syndrome
It feels unnatural to acknowledge your wins
Celebrating wins when you have Imposter Syndrome can feel really uncomfortable. You may not take the time to celebrate a job well-done because you don’t believe you did a good job.
You compare yourself to others
You may often look at the accomplishments of others and think, “I’ll bet her success was much more easily-accomplished that mine was for me.” You may often feel like a child in a room full of adults.
You are a people-pleaser
People with Imposter Syndrome tend to have lower self-esteem. When you have lower self-esteem, you tend to seek validation and approval from others. You may often say “yes” when you want to say “no.”
You believe your success is due to luck or chance
You may not connect your success with hard work, but rather, believe that it was due to luck, chance or was a complete fluke.
You replay your mistakes over and over again
You may discount the million amazing things that you did and focus only on the one mistake you made.
Compliments make you uncomfortable
Compliments may make you really uncomfortable. You feel as though someone is making a mistake or is just being nice by complimenting you.
Managing Imposter Syndrome
Imposter Syndrome is a sign you are doing something right
Imposter Syndrome won’t rear it’s ugly head if you haven’t had some success. If you have had success, you are doing something right! Remind yourself of this when you are doubting yourself.
Allow mistakes to be a tool instead of a weapon
Mistakes happen for everyone. People who live with Imposter Syndrome often use mistakes as a weapon to punish themselves. Yes, it is disappointing to make mistakes, but knowing that it is normal to make mistakes and using those mistakes as opportunities for learning is going to do you so much more good than it would to treat yourself as a punching bag. Allow mistakes to be a tool for growth.
Listen out for your inner-critic
Your inner-critic will always make an appearance alongside your Imposter Syndrome. Be aware of the thoughts you have when you feel Imposter Syndrome strike and reframe them into something more positive. Instead of thinking “It takes me twice as long to complete this as it does for my coworker,” you could try changing it into “It may take me longer to do this task, but I know that I have what it takes to make it great!” When your inner-critic goes low, you go high!
Don’t play the comparison game
Each and every person is different. We are all unique individuals, so comparing yourself to others will only get you one result: You will feel like you can’t win. If you find yourself comparing yourself to others, remind yourself that you are a unique person with unique strengths and challenges, just as the person you are comparing yourself to is!
Keep a “Ta Da” List
When you live with Imposter Syndrome, you often focus on the one time you failed and not the million successes you have had. Keep a running list of your successes, also known as a “Ta Da” list! When Imposter Syndrome strikes and you need a boost, take a look at your “Ta Da” list. You’ll be reminded of ALL the times you have succeeded.
Address Shame
Imposter Syndrome and shame go hand in hand. Shame expert, Brené Brown defines shame as an “intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” And what is Imposter Syndrome? A feeling of unworthiness. You feel shame when you hide parts of yourself from others. When you live with Imposter Syndrome, you probably hide your struggles and difficulties from others. Everyone sees the results, but they don’t see the sleepless nights and other sacrifices if takes to get those results. Addressing your shame with a qualified therapist can help you begin to move past your Imposter Syndrome.
Let go of perfectionism
Most people who live with Imposter Syndrome are high-achievers. You probably set very, very high standards for yourself. High standards nourish Imposter Syndrome. Setting your standards too high is like feeding your Imposter Syndrome a 10 course meal, it will give it fuel and allow it to keep going. Letting go of perfectionism will allow you to see your Imposter Syndrome improve. Define what “good enough” looks like for whatever you are working on.