My emotional reactions have hurt every relationship I have ever had...from parents to friends to boyfriends to my husband. Slight irritation would lead to rumination. Rumination would lead to a rapid heart beat. A rapid heart beat would lead to blood rushing to my cheeks. Once I felt the warmth of the blood in my cheeks, the yelling would follow, then the tears. The smallest slights or annoyances would set the process in motion and when it was over, I was left in a crumpled, tear-soaked heap while the target of my wrath went to another room to get away from me.

My emotional outbursts ended romantic relationships and estranged family members and friends. Willing to try anything to find a solution, I had countless hormonal checks performed, went to neurologists, spent years in therapy and tried countless prescription medications. It did not seem to matter what I tried. My rage persisted. I always thought, “What adult can’t manage their emotions?” I felt utterly broken.

After my ADHD diagnosis, I researched everything I could in an effort to understand this “new” brain of mine. As I read an article about Emotional Dysregulation, I suddenly realized that I didn’t have these emotional outbursts because I was “broken.” I had a neurodevelopemental disorder and this made it difficult to manage my emotional reactions. Once I took “fault” out of it, my life began to change. Now that I knew the “why,” I could focus on the “how.” With time, effort and practice, I was able to put strategies into place to better manage my emotional dysregulation and began repairing my damaged relationships.

What is Emotional Dysregulation?

Emotional dysregulation is a difficulty in managing one's emotional responses and is related to the executive functioning challenges experienced by ADHD people. This can result in exaggerated or intense reactions to events that don’t generally warrant such a reaction. The following are some of the most common signs and symptoms:

Emotional reactions that don’t seem to be in harmony with the situation.

Difficulty in calming down, even once becoming aware that you are overreacting

Difficulty in focusing on anything other than the emotion you are experiencing

A feeling of being “taken over” by emotions

How to manage Emotional Dysregulation

One: Eat and Eat Well

Be sure to eat regularly with an emphasis on nutrition. Proper nutrition helps the brain and body regulate themselves. A diet consisting of plenty of fruits, vegetables, whole grains and lean proteins will do wonders in helping you manage emotional dysregulation.

Two: Sleep is your friend

Enough quality sleep is so essential to helping the brain and body to regulate. Make quality sleep a priority by improving your sleep hygiene.

Avoid naps during the day, if possible. If you do nap, try to limit a nap to 20 minutes or so. A 20 minute nap will leave you feeling restored and refreshed and won’t interfere too much with your sleep at night
Avoid any glowing electronics (phone, television and computer) for at least an hour before your intended sleep time
Sleep in a dark room! Light blocking curtains are amazing!
Try a sound machine! White noise can drown out any distracting sounds that may keep us awake

Three: Move it, Move it!

Regular exercise does wonders for helping us to relieve stress, process our emotions and to burn off extra energy...and it feels amazing! You don’t have to do anything too intense. A short walk through the neighborhood or a 10 minute YouTube workout can do the trick!

Four: Identify your Triggers

Make an effort to avoid situations that make you feel angry, sad, or any other strong emotion. Maybe your partner uses a certain word or tone that hurts your feelings? Maybe a door slamming triggers you? Whatever it may be, pay attention to the events that then to precede a strong emotional reaction.

Five: Identify Harmful Ways of Thinking

Be aware of harmful thinking patterns that you take part in. These so strongly affect our ability to regulate our emotions and reactions. Negative emotional events are almost always caused by misinterpretations. When you are aware of your negative thinking patterns, it becomes easier to identify when you are taking part in them. Let’s explore some common harmful thinking patterns:

Catastrophizing

When we catastrophize, we believe that the absolute worst possible outcome will occur. We believe that we are in the worst situation and this can lead us to become aggressive or defensive in order to avoid or prevent what outcome from happening.

All or Nothing Thinking

All or nothing thinking means that we see things in extremes. Something or someone is good or bad. We are smart or we are stupid. We are capable or incapable. This is the thought pattern of there being no middle road.

Mind-reading

Mind-reading is assuming that you know what someone is feeling, experiencing or thinking. This is one of the most triggering harmful thought patterns that affects and triggers our emotional reactions.

Personalization

Personalization is the act of looking at a situation and making it about you, essentially taking blame for things that are not in any way about you.

Overgeneralization

Overgeneralization means to focus on one negative experience and assigning it great significance in your life. For example, if you fail a small quiz, you may think, “I am a failure and will never earn my degree.”

Six: Develop Grounding Techniques that work for you

When you begin to experience intense emotions, try practicing grounding techniques. The techniques can help to bring you out of an emotional tailspin and back down to earth. Here are some examples of effective grounding techniques:

5, 4, 3, 2, 1

1. Identify 5 things you can see

2. Identify 4 things you can touch

3. Identify 3 things you can hear

4. Identify 2 things you can smell

5. Identify 1 thing you can taste

Clench your fists and release

Concentrate all of your negative energy and frustration into your hands. Make fists, squeeze them as hard as you can, and then release them. Consider how your body feels when you repeat this 10 times.

Box Breathing

1. Breath in, slowly counting to 6

2. Hold that breath for 6 seconds

3. Slowly release that breath for 6 seconds

4. Repeat this process until you feel calm and grounded

I don't know why I do this: ADHD and Emotional Dysregulation