I Was Diagnosed with ADHD...What Do I Do Now?
So, you were diagnosed with ADHD. First of all, welcome to our distracted little club! You are one of us now! Receiving your ADHD diagnosis can be a life-changing kick in the head. When I was diagnosed with ADHD, I had so many questions:
How could my parents have missed this?
How could my doctors have missed this?
What would my life look like if someone had recognized the signs when I was a child?
Perhaps no question is as important as “What do I do now?” It took some time to wrap my brain around my diagnosis. I cannot tell you what to do next, but I can share with you what helped me.
Grief is a response to loss. Your ADHD diagnosis IS a loss. It is the loss of who you thought you were, what you thought your life would be and what your life could have been. There is no shortcut through grief. You cannot go around it...you have to go through it. Allowing yourself to mourn, cry and feel sad is the only way to process your loss.
Yes, your life would probably be different if you were diagnosed earlier. Does it suck? Absolutely! Something that I learned in my own grieving process is that there is such a lack of understanding in the world when it comes to ADHD, even among doctors. There was much less understanding of it when I was a child in the 1980s. Many doctors viewed (and some still view) ADHD as being a disorder of hyperactive little boys and if doctor’s believed that, it makes sense that they wouldn’t have noticed it in me. Back then and still today, ADHD is often missed in girls because they commonly present with the inattentive symptoms of ADHD, like daydreaming and lack of focus. Of course I wasn’t diagnosed.
So many women are diagnosed with ADHD later in life. While that doesn’t change how frustrating and scary this experience can be, it helps to know that you are not alone in this. There are so many of us who have gone through and are going through the same thing you are right now.
There is actually good news in this. Our world knows so much more about ADHD than it ever has before. There is so much less misconception, so the little girls coming up after us, hopefully, won’t go through what we went through. They won’t have to go through years of struggle and wondering “Why is everything so hard for me?”
Knowledge is power. Learning all you can about ADHD will empower you to make choices that are right for you as you navigate this process. You have to learn about this new brain of yours. There are so many great resources for learning about ADHD. Here are some of my favorites:
Women with Attention Deficit Disorder: Embrace Your Differences and Transform Your Life by Sari Solden
You mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo
The ADHD Effect on Marriage by Melissa Orlov
Driven to Distraction by Edward Hallowell
A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden
ADDitude Magazine
ADDitude Magazine is an amazing online resource with a variety of articles, guides and resources!
ADDitude also prints a quarterly magazine!
CHADD
CHADD or Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder is another great ADHD information resource.
There are so many incredible social media creators dedicated to ADHD education and supporting ADHD people. These are some of my favorites:
@adhdoers
@adhd_alien
@howtoADHD
Podcasts
ADHD Rewired
Translating ADHD
Tik Tok
@howtoadhd
@catieosaurus
@focusedfemmes
We all need support. We especially need it most from those in our lives! Ask for the kindness, patience and support of your loved ones as you go through this process. Outside support is important too! It is so helpful to know that you are not alone in this! These are some excellent resources to utilize:
CHADD
CHADD offers free support groups for people with ADHD.
To find a support group in your area, visit: https://chadd.org/affiliate-locator/
To join CHADD’s online support group, visit: https://healthunlocked.com/adult-ADHD
Facebook Support Groups
There are so many amazing Facebook support groups for ADHD people!
Focused Femmes
Focused Femmes is a support group for women with ADHD. The group is supportive, encouraging and non-judgmental. Focused Femmes is LGBTQIA+ inclusive!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/211160820303333
ADDitude
ADDitude is a support group for adults with ADHD. This group offers positive connection and support — without judgment or criticism.
Medication may or may not be part of this process for you. Whatever you decide for yourself is ok! You certainly can live a successful, fulfilled life without it. When you live your life without a diagnosis, you spend a lot of time spinning your wheels. Medication can help you find some traction. When you witness what you are capable of with a medicated brain, it can go a long way in helping you accept your diagnosis. Medication won’t fix everything, but it sure can help you struggle less.
As you go through the process of learning about and accepting your ADHD, a lot of emotions and trauma can come up. You may find it beneficial to process through these with a qualified therapist. A therapist will be there to support you on your journey.
When you’ve gone through the grieving process and have worked through the emotional part of the diagnosis process, you may find it helpful to collaborate with a trained ADHD Coach. A qualified ADHD coach will be able to help you identify your goals and the barriers that are preventing you from reaching your goals. You will work with the coach to find the systems, skills and strategies to help you move forward into living the life you want with ADHD.
When ADHD people want to make a change, there is a tendency to want to change everything all at once. While this can feel like the right thing in the moment, it isn’t usually sustainable. Any changes that you want to make or habits you want to form are going to take time. Please don’t believe that you have to do it all at once. You must allow yourself time to process these new changes and all of the new things you are learning. Change will come. Be patient with yourself.
I know you are going through it right now. You are processing so much and might be dealing with some grief. You have a lot of weight on your shoulders. Please trust that it won’t be this way forever. Going through this process will help you to understand yourself so much better. You are doing a good job and it is going to be ok!